Beware of the Drive Through Speakers!

Ok.. I am going to hell. I did something very, very mean tonight and it really wasn’t my fault. I ran on down to Walmart. When I say “ran on down” I really mean I drove 35 miles. (Still not used to this country livin’ where you have to drive 90 miles to get anywhere.) I needed to get some dog food as Jake and Boomer were out and they were tired of eating only Ol’Roy dog treats.

So it is about dinner time and I decided to take a trip on over to Wendy’s. You see, being from Oklahoma City, I had the great pleasure of having access to the best hamburger EVER. The #1 with extra cheese from Johnnie’s Charcoal Broiler! It is seriously heaven on a bun. Seeing as how there isn’t one out here in the sticks I had to find a surrogate. The Baconator from Wendy’s comes close!

I pull up to the drive through and order my dinner of 8 bacon strips on top of a 1/2 pound of beef and LOTS of melted cheese, large fries, and a soda. I could feel my arteries cringe and my ass grow just from ordering it. A quiet, high pitched voice comes from the speaker and reads back my order. Since it was correct I replied with a polite, “Yes’ Ma’am! Thank you!” and drive up to the next window.

Here is why I am going to hell…. When I get to the window I hear the voice again repeat the price to me. However, when I look up to hand over the cash I burst out in laughter. I mean.. deep, deep belly laugh for the “Ma’am” standing before me is actually a dude. This had to be a guy. His name tag read “Pat” and he,.. she,.. um.. it had a stache’ the size of Sam Elliot’s in Tombstone.

Why the laughter you ask? Well.. it’s name was Pat so that in itself was worth a laugh. But Pat’s name tag was sitting on top of the biggest pair of tits I have ever seen. Pat was not fat so it wasn’t man boobs. Pat was a skinning white kid with a huge mustache and even bigger tits. I couldn’t help myself. I burst out in the loudest laugh I have had in a long while. I honestly think I pee’d a little. I felt bad as I handed over my money. I really did but I could not help myself nor could I make myself stop laughing.

Pat was either the luckiest guy alive (come on, he has his own tits to play with!) or the ugliest woman I have ever seen.

Moral of the story: Beware of the drive through speaker! You never know WHO the hell you’re talking to!