Archive for March, 2007

Well.. If you found your way here via a search engine, this will probably mean nothing to you. Feel free to browse some porn for about 5 mins and come back. (Now that I think about it.. even the people that do know me are now gone, pornmongers!)

Let me break it down for you. Editors Note: I am fully aware that I am about to lose major cool points and quite possibly my man card all together with this post

About 2 years ago, (1 year, 10 months, 1 day, 14 hours and 11 mins) a major event happened in my life. I headed down to the Southside to pick up my date, Carrie Weaver (Names have been changed to protect the innocent). There is acutally a funny story as to why I used the name Carrie Weaver but that is for a different blog at a different time. As far as first dates go, this was standard. Nervousness, anxiousness, all the good stuff was there. Carrie was wearing this thin black dress and I ain’t gonna lie. She was smoking hot.

We headed back to the Northside (where the cool people live) and had dinner at Ted’s. The conversation was great. The food was great. The company was definately great. The guy a few tables over with his wife and two kids checking out Carrie’s cleavage was great too. Everything was awesome.

After dinner we headed to the mall to catch a flick. Carrie got to pick the movie and “The Amityville Horror” was her pick. I know, I know.. a very weird first date movie but if I recall correctly our only other choice was the Beauty Shop with Queen Latifah and to this day I thank Carrie for not making me watch it. After being the gentleman that I am and checking the seat cushon with my hand for hypodermic needles (don’t ask), we settled in and watched the movie (Side Note: Pretty cool effects, lots of crap jumping out at ya, Ok as far as a horror films go).

The night was winding down and we again make the trek down I-35 towards Carrie’s apartment. The first date jitters started picking up. Do I kiss her good night? Is she in to me? Do I walk her to the door? Answer me this fellas, how can we be so cool 99.9% of the date and then that fatal last .1% become a total dork. I don’t just mean dork.. I mean D TO THE ORK, Dork. Capital D O R K. Below is a list of statements, can you figure out the one I used?

• I drive a racecar for a living
• I moonlight as a tiger trainer
• Would you mind if I came up and used the restroom?
• I have been shot 19 times

That’s right! Any ounce of game I had, no matter how small, was gone. I pulled out the ol’ “I am a grown man but I can’t hold it for 10 mins, I need to come into your apartment and use the bathroom.” This topic has been debated many a times between Carrie and me, and I would like to now go on record and say, I could have held it. Why would anyone stoop so low and lower themselves to ask a question that a 12 year old could see through? Love.

I didn’t want the night to end. A lot of firsts happend that night and what turned into the entire weekend.. It was the first time I met Walter Canine (Again, names changed to protect the innocent). It was the first time, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make myself leave a place. It was the first time I fell asleep with Carrie next to me. It was the first time that I woke up with her in my arms. It was the first time I built a fort in the living room with cushons and sheets, was over the age of 10, and had fun doing it. Her spirit and engery took me in. I was lost. I was somewhere I had never been and somewhere I never wanted to leave.

Carrie is quite possibly the most honest, outgoing, and all around beautiful person I have ever met. Her big gorgeous smile (and even the fake one) lights a room and makes everyone turn and want to know her. Every moment spent around her is a gift (Not a given ::wink::). She has done many things for me in my life to make it better. I quit smoking cold turkey (1 year, 8 months without! Whoo hoo!). I have been to church more times with her, even if it was just a few, than I have in the last 10 years. There are so many things that she does and doesn’t realize that make me want to be better.

And herein lies my faults. For all the good she did for me, I can’t think of one thing I did for her. Seriously. Not one thing comes to mind. Am I that selfish of a person that I couldn’t have done one thing. Am I that big of a jackass? Someone changes my life so drastically, opens my eyes to so many new things and ideas, and I can’t return the favor once? That almost makes me sick to my stomach.

Hell, I don’t know if she will ever see this. Maybe someday it will find her. Carrie, I am sorry. I am sorry I couldn’t be the person for you that you were for me. I hope someday you forgive me for being so weak. Stealing a line for a movie is corny and unoriginal, but when it is this true it must be said. I think I would miss you even if we never met. Thank you for being the person you are. Thank you for blessing me with your love and presence. You are an extraordinary woman and I will always love you.

As to anyone else that had to sit through my mush pot of words.. Take my advice. If you find love, and I mean REAL love. Do not take it for granted. Love may be powerful and strong, but close your eyes for a minute, even a second and it could be gone forever.

And now back to my regularly scheduled drivel….